So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
