i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
