my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
