I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
