I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
