are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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