I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
