Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
