I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
