you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
