I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your penis caused this!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
