My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
dude. I can hear the air.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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