I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
