So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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