its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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