Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
