Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
