Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
50% drunk capacity currently
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
