That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
