so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he thought i was a dude.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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