hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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