Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
