he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
