Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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