How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
