Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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