she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
