She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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