not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
