I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
