I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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