we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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