hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
