To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
