Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
