Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
