Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
