New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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