you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
what day is it and did you see me today?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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