omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Shame - the story of my life.
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