I didn't shave. On purpose
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
