I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
