went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
