Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
