I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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