Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
