Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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