His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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