and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
