he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
