im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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