if i can run in heels then i can drive
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
