It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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